Dreams and Motherhood.

It was a warm summer evening. I was sitting in the outdoor patio of my favorite coffee shop. The sunset that evening painted the sky with an array of pink and purple hues. I looked up and took in the smell of the summer night, mingled with the ocean breeze. It's as though God was giving me a little present in that one moment. Although, the evening was perfect there was a troublesome look on my face. You see, I was five months pregnant and had begun to worry. I was worried about what my life would look like after I gave birth to this beautiful little girl inside me. I sat there that evening waiting for my beautiful friend, mother of two to arrive. Maybe she could help shed some light on my soon to be life. 

She walked into our familiar meeting spot and shot me that perfect gorgeous smile. She always looked like a million bucks to me. Even now with hardly any make up and her simple jeans and t-shirt; she exuded beauty. Her bright blue eyes complimented her long brunette locks that always fell perfectly around her fit form. She was my inspiration or at least one of them. I had many amazing friends who were also amazing mothers. Thank God for that! I always wondered how they did it. How did they make motherhood look so easy and beautiful? I would soon find out what it takes. 

After we did some catching up, I dropped the question. "Jenn, what about your dreams? What about your goals? Will I be giving it all up to take care of this precious life? Not that I don't want to ( I added hoping not to sound selfish). It's just what about all the things God promised me that I would accomplish in my life. How can that happen if I have a little one to take care of?' She smiled and gave the best advice I could have received, "It all comes in seasons and honestly I'm still figuring it out. " 


What a relief! I didn't have to have it all figured out! If your like me, as soon as I was pregnant I bought all the books, did all the research on how to be the best mother ever! It's a lot of pressure. So many decisions and each one claiming that if you don't follow their way, you will ruin your child's life forever! How to decipher between all the right and wrong choices, all the advice and all the articles on mothering!!? And yet somewhere in that I'm suppose to figure out what I'm to do with my life? It all seemed so overwhelming. And to be honest for quite a few months thereafter I felt so discouraged. I got this silly idea in my head that once I had my baby, my life was over. Maybe it was the media, maybe it was people constantly stating that or maybe it was just my own fears, whatever it was it gripped me. 

So here I am five months into motherhood. My little angel is the best thing that could have possibly happened to me. I fit into motherhood right away and I've loved every minute of it. However, once everything settled and I got into my routine that nagging thought of giving up all my dreams began to resurface. What if motherhood wasn't all I was called to? What if I gave up everything to raise this child? It would be worth it, but would I have regrets? 

I sat in the shower contemplating this when I heard the Father's voice, "Ailina, look at the last few months. Since you had Tennessee you've seen more opportunities for you begin to unfold then ever before in your life. Since you chose to live selflessly and raise your daughter unto me, I've begun to work in those dreams you hold dear. Your story has just begun." I sat there and began to cry. God was right, over the past few months following Tennessee's birth so many things began to unfold for me. This year holds so much promise and fulfillment of what I've been dreaming of; it all started with Tennesssee's birth. 


Being a mother doesn't make you stop living. It's only the beginning. Yes, I am called to be a mother and I am called to raise up my children to live with an intense awareness of the Father's love. But I am also called to live out my dreams that God has for me. Being a mother prepares me for all that He has. Being a mother is the most selfless thing you can do. It molds you and shapes you in ways you never even knew. It is a whole new definition of unconditional and sacrificial love. It teaches you more about the Father's heart for us then anything else.  Being a mother is my first calling and everything that follows flows from my mothering heart. 

I hope that every mom out there feels empowered not to give up on their God given dreams. Although, right now you may be chasing a toddler, cleaning poop from your shirt, wiping tears and kissing scrapped knees, you still have the power to fulfill the dreams in your heart. If your dream is solely to raise up children to be world changers, well that is one of the greatest callings of all. But if you are called to do that and to be a teacher, worship leader, artist, lawyer or anything else, don't give up on that dream. Your time is coming. You really can have it all.